Lady Ocalats Astrology 2024
LADY OCALAT’S
ASTROLOGICAL MONTHLY
AQUARIUS
January 20-February 18th
Faster than Fauci could name a variant, here is my new column for the Astrological sign of Aquarius!
“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one.” said Spock, or the classic Aquarian. Rational and detached, they have an abstract love of humanity, and are more centered on the collective than on the personal, less concerned with their own needs, and more focused on the good of all. So, Aquarians are more like the BORG from Star Trek than an actual human being. I’ll buy that.
They are also the most independent of all the signs of the zodiac, and don’t take kindly to having their desire for freedom questioned. In other words, they don’t play well with others.
Although Aquarians tend to possess a strong social conscience, and a broadminded view of things, they often perversely and dogmatically expect others to adapt to their way of thinking.
Picture Sheldon Cooper from “The Big Bang Theory” in yet another of his noteworthy conversations:
Amy:
“Can we put the phones down and have an actual human conversation?”
Sheldon:
“We can, but thanks to Steve Jobs, we don’t have to.”
And Sheldon again on a group of colleagues who hated him.
“They were threatened by my intelligence, and too stupid to know that’s why they hated me.”
Aquarians are very self-controlled, and are often embarrassed by displays of emotion. This is a characteristic of Air signs…creative thinkers with rods up their asses.
This can be infuriating to the Aquarian love interest, if you can call it that. Sometimes feeling like a chick going out with DATA from “The Next Generation”, the long suffering girlfriend of an Aquarian male may feel as if she’s going insane, as the Aquarian will try to rationalize and explain away his “cold fish” emotionalizing, because Aquarians can dazzle with their bullshit and clever employment of the language.
In the words of Ron Burgundy from “Anchorman”:
“It doesn’t matter who’s fault the break-up was, I was stubborn, you were like a mentally ill whore from the 1800’s.”
“I’m very important. I have many leather bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.”
Aquarius is the sign that represents our desire to communicate. It’s symbol (two horizontal wavy lines) can be seen as representing electrical waves; indeed trying to relate to these people is not unlike having a live cattle prod up your backside, stimulating, but painful as hell.
Many scientific advancements have been made under this inventive sign, probably because of all their free time, since no one can stand to be near them for any length of time. It should be noted that most astronauts are Aquarian….SPACE suits them. Here are some noteworthy specimens:
Charles Darwin…chronicled a remote and unknown island…The Galapagos.
Jules Verne…wrote about a remote and unkown island..“Mysterious Island.”
Charles Lindbergh: flew over many remote and unknown islands.
Get the picture here? Aquarians do just fine by themselves, all content to stay stuck in their own little heads, and plot out their own singularly spectacular adventures.
WHEN AQUARIANS GO BAD:
THE CONTRASTING ASPECTS OF THE AQUARIAN NATURE ARE AS FOLLOWS …..
THE GOOD THE BAD THE WORSE
Unconventional Extremist Asshole
Logical Will not act F…tard
Easy going Temperamental Prick
Easy to please Easy to upset Bitchzilla
Upbeat Annoying Jerk off
Intellectual Closed off Sociopathic
Decisive Stubborn Moron
Dark side of an Aquarian: You are cold and stand-offish to your family, and kind and forgiving to your drinking buddies, because they make you feel superior to them.
You signal your contrariness by dressing in eccentric clothes to ensure that we all recognize your fascinating “otherness.”
These types of Aquarians usually “HIVE” together in places like Portland or Seattle, thus creating a gigantic flux in the time-space continuum; while in social settings these Aquarians seem to always be in the center commanding attention by talking about cool stuff they want everyone to think they know about.
It’s not all Bull with an Aquarian, though…highly intellectual and logical, at work you can figure out the operating system of any job in about ten seconds. Bosses hate you, because they know you could do their job in your sleep. Colleagues are awed by your insolent independence, but get upset when they come across the notebook listing all their quirks, catchphrases, and secrets they told you in confidence, because you seemed so nice and friendly.
The home life of an Aquarian is a virtual reality, complete with books, papers, posters, computer gadgets, experiments, etc…
Oh, and a cat (cats love you!)
Aliens kidnap Aquarians more than any other sign, since the Aquarian acts like the authority “go to” on subjects they know little or nothing about…confusing snatches of conversations they heard a year ago on the History channel’s “Ancient Aliens” with interactions they had with a famous scientist or expert on extra-terrestrial teleportation. The sad part is…they believe their own fantasy. So, not only a phony, but also a fruitcake. Aquarians are the reason the Drones are messing with New Jersey (IYKYK).
Your never-ending quirkiness and incessant questioning are the reasons why you have no close friends, and your family members all live in other states. This is fine with you, because it gives you the opportunity to scope out the action on the Greyhound bus to Sedona. Besides, you love a captive audience, and the trip gives you an opportunity to entertain your newly found friend with your ability to play Yankee Doodle with your armpits.
Sorry to say, you are the most annoying sign of the zodiac. You force friends and family alike to all night speculations on whether the Catholic church is a front for prostitution, global warming is caused by farting Bluejays, and licking stamps can cause brain damage.
In reality, you are actually the world’s most original thinker. You are sensible, friendly, and idealistic. Your fierce need for independence, however, can be a double-edged sword. Learn to overcome the urge to lay down the law and spout ultimatums, before getting all the facts straight, and you’ll have the rest of the zodiac eating out of your hand. In the meantime, as a verbal gunslinger, you’re the fastest draw in the Universe.
GOOD DAYS: 29, 30, 31
DIFFICULTIES COULD ARISE: 12, 13, 14
BEWARE! VALENTINE’S DAY COULD SUCK! MIXED SIGNALS AND MISCOMMUNICATIONS.
Till we meet again…
Lady Ocalat is a Professional Astrologist,
Reiki Master, Minister, and Tarot Reader.
She can be reached at 218-722-2240,
or at Lady Ocalat’s Emporium in downtown Duluth.
www.ladyocalat.com
SAGITTARIUS
November 22nd-December 20th
ELEMENT: Fire. Sagittarius is forever glowing like a bunch of fireplace embers. They seem comforting, but you better stand back, or they’ll scorch your ass.
QUALITY: Mutable. So much so, that they don’t even know who they are. Their life is a swinging door (to the bedroom).
SYMBOL: The Archer. Sagittarius is the hunter of the zodiac. Bargain hunter, and sexual predator.
RULER: Jupiter. They are larger than life. Brutally frank, and chronically making you wince.
FAVORITE PASTIME: Opening mouth and sticking foot in. Speaking without thinking.
ROLE MODEL: Sheldon Cooper
KEY PHRASE: “Bazinga!”
BODY PART: Lower back, which is constantly aching from being such a pain in the ass.
POSITIVE QUALITIES: Adventurous, philosophical, confident, wise, generous, expansive, optimistic.
NEGATIVE QUALITIES: Tactless, restless, unreliable, self-righteous, boastful, moralistic, insensitive.
This sign of the zodiac is not stable. Not even close. They subscribe to the “Grass is always greener on the other side” creedo, so they are constantly “scoping” out new prospects to swoop in on. They are into short- term sensation, and not long-term commitment. They have a constant need for mental and physical stimulation, and while their higher mind searches for the meaning of life (Stephen Hawking), their other half represents their instincts and passion (Diddy)….*yikes*
The wild nature of Sagittarius tends to express itself in their love of freedom and their refusal to conform to day-to-day social conventions. They are the ones that streak the family reunion party….(hysterical, right?)
Sagittarius lives in the ninth house of Philosophy, Adventure, and Long-Distance Travel. In astrological myth, this Mutable Fire sign is described as a gregarious, honest, fun-lover who was born with a philosophical outlook and a yen to wander. The rotten truth is this tactless, vociferous bore harrumphs through the world with one foot caught in a bucket and the other lodged firmly between their overdeveloped jaws. Both sexes think they know everything and spend their time trying to educate the rest of us.
They don’t do subtle. The Archers have outrageous horse laughs, and a court jester smile. All you have to do is poke them with a stick, and you will release a ton of repressed rage. All of that suppressed fury is why Sagittarius makes the world’s best serial killer. Lucky for you, the “Sag” blows their top infrequently, and instead of physical violence they will just put their fist through your closet wall…(nice)….and then shout vulgar swear words about your family….(equally nice).
This is the most volatile of the Fire signs. The act of arriving is not the point; the adventure, the unexplored mystery, and the idea of the unobtainable goal is what really fires their imagination.
Sagittarians are by nature highly intuitive, and they have a great gift for spotting new opportunities wherever they arise. They are impulsive and bold, and they like to try their luck, even if it might seem a little risky. Boredom is the great enemy of the Sagittarian, and they can become very disruptive if they feel trapped or fenced into a situation. Routine will kill them dead.
“My divorce came as a complete surprise to me. That will happen when you haven’t been home in eighteen years.” Lee Trevino (Sagittarian)
Before you decide that you have found your soul mate in a male Sagittarian, understand that he is much like his mythological symbol, the Centaur. He will spend most of his adult life in continual heat. Sure you fell for his adorable smile, and his ability to quote “Lord of the Rings”, while simultaneously pulling your panties up out of your jeans…. be wary!
As your partner he will of course be a great friend, but you won’t see him very often, unless it’s to shower and change his clothes….this is when you will feel as if you are still single.
He actually wants you to have a life separate from his, since that will allow him to hang out with his buddies and drink beer, and maybe take the waitress home. He might even follow his favorite band around the nation….shame on you for caring where he is!
He was born to be a bachelor, so he really doesn’t care about the stuff going on in your life….how you look, if your arm fell off….your weight ballooned up to 300 pounds….he’s fine with it. He is far too busy solving the world’s green house gas problem.
“How can you talk if you haven’t got a brain?” asked Dorothy. “I don’t know. But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don’t they?” answered the Scarecrow. The Wizard of Oz
Your Sagittarius girlfriend is the original squeaky clean stereotype. She believes in honesty, isn’t into pitying herself, and is genuinely friendly. She reads everything, and likes to travel. You might even start to picture your idyllic life with her….family get-togethers and big dinners with lots of laughter and fun…..but wait….
She will not show up, because there was a fund-raiser for homeless squirrels. She is chronically late for EVERYTHING and tends to fall down…..a lot!
It’s the never ending need to be somewhere fast, that gets her into trouble. Most Sagittarian women are easily spotted by their arm cast or leg crutches.
If you ever inadvertently piss her off, she will spend the next half year entertaining friends and family with tales of your stupidity and shallowness. Everyone, of course, will be howling with laughter at your expense, and you will have learned another valuable lesson of the Sagittarian…public humiliation is her way of punishing you for being such a jerk.
The Sagittarian’s way of honesty is saying things like “For a fat person, you sure don’t sweat much.”
And talk about clumsy….more accident prone than any other sign. The Sag has a constantly bruised head and scabby knees. But that’s OK with them, since they would rather be crippled for life than do anything the easy way.
No matter how ridiculous the Sagittarian’s remarks may be, there’s usually not a shred of malice in his or her soul. Knowing this will help you not to throw a frying pan at their head. You will break down their exterior, if you are brave enough to call attention to their constant blunders….this will be easy as one occurs every 10 minutes or so. Since the Archers are very quick on the uptake, and hate to hurt anyone’s feelings, with some patience on your part and minor effort on theirs, you can probably stretch that timeframe to about an hour.
GOOD DAYS: Nov. 22, 23, 24, and Dec.19, 20
DIFFICULT DAYS: December 5, 6
MENTAL CLARITY: November 27, 28
Lady Ocalat is a Professional Astrologist,
Reiki Master, Minister, Paranormal Investigator, and Tarot Reader.
She can be reached at 218-722-2240,
or at Lady Ocalat’s Emporium in downtown Duluth.
www.ladyocalat.com
www.ladyoparanormal.com
As I always say: keep your words in good order and keep your thoughts in good order. Live to Learn, Learn to Love, and Love to Live!
Till we meet again…
Lady Ocalat's Paranormal team: L.O.P.I.
Keep your words in good order and keep your thoughts in good order.
Live to Learn, Learn to Love, and love to Live!
Lady Ocalat is a practicing Third Degree High Priestess of the Craft, a clairvoyant, and psychic empath, Liensed Minister, Reiki Master,Professional Astrologist,Tarot instructor, Witchcraft Teacher, Trained Exorcist, and Team Leader of L.O.P.I. Lady Ocalat's Paranormal Investigations.
Contact Lady Ocalat:
218-722-2240 or 218-591-7192
She can be reached for readings at Lady Ocalat's Emporium:
31 West Superior St.
Suite #304
Duluth, Mn.
55802
Be sure to check out:
L.O.P.I.
Lady Ocalat’s Paranormal Investigations
